January 19, 1992
The staff of The Scorcher would like to welcome all of the readers of Crap from Columbus who have wisely switched over their subscriptions from a weak and "crappy" newspaper to one which has power and is upstanding in the community. Even the title gives the reader a sense of strength behind the workmanship of this paper. And then just look at how that title is written - sheer genius on the part of our Arts editor. So, now that you know how much more power and importance this paper has than your last (and first) edition of Crap from Columbus, sit back and enjoy the next three to five minutes as you read The Scorcher... by Ann Peterka, ed. A Long Walk I live on the southside of town. But I often walk to the northside. It's a long walk to the northside. And when it's cold, it seems longer. The walk takes about twenty minutes. If the sidewalks are snow covered or ice is underfoot, then it takes longer. I try to walk fast, but not too fast, so I can still breathe regularly. Sometimes, I have to stop because the sign reads "DON'T WALK", so I don't, until it's okay. I pass a lot of interesting sights heading northward: three Chinese restaurants, apartment complexes, video arcades, an auditorium, a library, several bus stops, a few benches, street venders, three bank machines, and many, many people. Some say "hi," some don't. Sometimes people fall because it's so slippery, even I do. But I just keep walking, trudging along the sidewalk. I don't have time to stop anywhere because I'm to excited to arrive at my destination- a place where I know I'll find warmth, laughter, and an occasional shot in the stomach by that stinkin' dart gun!- Apartment B. -by Jenny Beckstrom Typical Friday Afternoon in the Annex In a period of four hours, many interesting people and things come through the main office of the Biology Annex... Delivery of 100 squid to be used in the lab upstairs: No one wants to carry them up and so they remain in the main hall for two hours until the smell of formaldehyde floats upstairs and the lab manager comes down to get them. Someone vomits on the stairs that lead to the basement: After determining that the puker had ham and beans for lunch, the mess is quickly cleaned up. Errand needs to be run: Two large cock- roaches have to be run over to another building where they will run mazes (like mice). They have to stay warm, so wrap them in your coat. Copier breaks down: The machine knows that today is Friday and that it's really needed so The Life Times can be ready for students by 5:00. Tarantulas visit office: Lab prep wants to show off his newest pets which he will add to the lizards, turtles, frogs, snakes, mice, and cockraches which are kept upstairs. Another delivery: The box says live daphnia; upon opening however, most are found dead. Another fish in the aquarium dies: Suspect foul play but do not report to authorities. All this, in only four hours, and those are only the most exciting. There are countless phone calls, students with questions stopping in, TA's checking their mailboxes and assignments, and so many others. The General Biology Annex is definately a fun, exciting, and good learning environment in which to be a work study employee. Plus, we get free snacks. by Ann Peterka Movie Quotes of the Week "He was a good cop - until his wife was killed by a Trancer." Trancers "...but there exists, unseen, a place that is just as real, but not as brightly lit." Tales from the Darkside "Oh fiddlisticks!" Cats Eye	Where I Spend My Afternoons-The Office It's located on the 12th floor of the new Municipal Court Building on South High in the Columbus Public Defenders Office. It lies admist a row of municipal clerk offices in a narrow hallway opposite which are the attorney's offices. It's approximately 8 feet by 6 feet and has gray carpet with white walls. It's rather sparsely furnished -in part due to its size- containing a tempermental large old desk, a comfy swivel chair with arm rests, two hard uncomfortable green chairs without arm rests, a telephone and a paper recycling box. The front edge of the desk runs parallel with the door, so when you are working you can see people who pass by. None of the clerks offices have windows, which is one of the perks reserved for the actual attorneys. The desk is practically empty holding only a pen, pencil, paper clips, empty case files and some blank attorney entry forms. Just outside the door on the wall there is a small sign with my name, Feel free to stop by and visit, although you will have to sit in one of the uncomfortable chairs. by Mary Peterka Al's Dreams have a job when I graduate. one that I like, not like Kevin have a degree when (if) I ever graduate go see a good movie go out to eat at a fancy restraunt and accidentally trip the waiter write a good article by Al Peterka A Good Article In order to make my dream come true I am writing the most excellent article on the face of the Scorcher. ...... o.k. ... maybe not the best, Mary's article on the description of her office was pretty good and I have yet to see either Ann's or Jenny's articles but come on how good could they be? O.K. O.K. on occasion Ann & Jen can write a semi- funny piece. So this will just be among the excellence found within the Scorcher. Well... Actually... I... have no real exciting story to tell... so ... perhaps this won't be even among that excellence I mentioned before. In conclusion, so that I do not completely lose my dignity I am going to sign this article immediately! NICK J.P. CONTEST PRIZES CONTEST Due to the overwhelming success of our last contest, we are able to offer all of our lucky readers another chance to win the exciting Ohio State Prize Package. Here's all you have to do: Guess how many pop cans we have stacked in our window waiting to be recycled. Put your guess (along with your name and address) on a card or letter and send it to: The Scorcher Contest atten: Mary Peterka XXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXX The entry with the closest guess wins! Good Luck!! (Winners will be notifies by mail) by Mary Peterka